Happy Birthday Sweet Boy!

Five years ago today our sweet Jeremy was born. I think because it has been five years- which seems hard to believe - and because I am carrying another baby the details of my pregnancy with Jeremy and his birth have seemed as clear as ever. We are so grateful for our little boy and for all that he adds to our lives. I don't look at the picture below very often but when I do it is amazing to me the clarity with which I remember the details and the magnitude of emotion that still wells up when I look at this picture. However the greatest emotion is that of gratitude for a life saved and medical professionals who showed unending patience, compassion and skill.

Jeremy was transferred to the NICU at Fontana the day he was born to have surgery for an undetected birth defect. The picture below is what Jeremy looked like the first time I saw him after I was released from the hospital in Riverside after having only held him once. I would not hold him again for another week and a half.

Jeremy had surgery the night before this was taken. On his right foot was the pulse/oxygen monitor. On the top side of his left hand is his IV and on the underside of his left hand is the PIC line which was replaced a couple of times. The gold shiny thing on the left side of his chest is his heart monitor. One of those tubes coming out of him is an umbilical catheter which they used to draw blood from him for testing and then they would put the blood back in him when they were done because sick babies can't produce blood quickly enough to replace the blood that needs to be drawn to monitor them. I think that is the feeding tube that is coming out of his mouth and down the right cheek. The other contraption in his mouth is the ventilator that was pumping 100 respirations per minute into his tiny lungs to avoid another lung collapse. Somewhere on Jeremy is a chest tube that was inserted when Jeremy's lung collapsed the night of his surgery. The screen behind him is the monitor for most of this equipment and it is where I first learned to read a pulse/oxygen monitor and how I could also tell that Jeremy recognized our voices.

I don't know why some children are spared and others are not but I am so grateful for the sweet boy and his little boy ways that fill our home today. I laid down with him last night because he was restless and could not fall asleep. I realized I had never told him about the day he was born - he loved it. I left out the details above and just told him how excited we were and how much we loved seeing him for the first time.

He doesn't know he was a sick baby but I will never forget. One day I will tell him the whole story. The story of his dad, grandfather, sister and brother in law waiting in Fontana through his surgery while I was in Riverside surrounded by my mom, two sisters and my best friend with a Polaroid picture of Jeremy on my lap. The priesthood blessings received, falling to my knees weeping when I returned home empty handed and Jerry driving me back to the NICU for another visit a couple of hours later, numberless calls to the NICU staff in the middle of the night, daily updates on his progress, and seeing him surrounded by babies whose plight was even more wavering. Mostly I will tell him how loved he was and how profound our gratitude was and is. We love this little boy and watching him grow and learn!


Jeremy with his tractor cupcake cake that he shared with his preschool class today.