The Madness Begins...

Today was my first doctor's appt. and also the first of many, many hormone injections over the next two weeks. My doctor greeted me with, "So how are you sleeping?" To which I replied,” How does it look like I am sleeping?" We then had a very funny conversation about managing anxiety, Twilight, staying up until 3-6 am reading Twilight, etc. He then told me to do my best to manage the anxiety that comes with in vitro.

Every neurotic person knows that the way to make a neurotic person more neurotic is to tell them not to be neurotic because it could impact something like - the success of their in vitro. The neurotic person can than become neurotic about how they are not supposed to be neurotic and then obsessively try to not be neurotic. It's a vicious cycle that ended with me backing into a cement pillar in a parking garage today while thinking about how to de-stress. I kid you not...

Luckily I have a very sweet husband who didn't even raise his voice - because he never does raise his voice to me - but only asked if I was ok. I think the fact that he responded to a head-on traffic collision yesterday, where there was a fatality, helped his already ever-so-even temperament while reacting to my incredibly stupid fender bender. His job does really provide perspective on just how insignificant a broken fender is in the scheme of things.

And to help my perspective... I have been reflecting all day on the conversation I had with a women in the waiting room who, with her husband, managed to pull together $16,000 for their first attempt at in vitro. She said if it didn't work that they would have to wait another two years while they tried to pull together the next $16,000 for the next round. For all the pressure I feel, I cannot comprehend the pressure she must feel to be finding and spending so much money with the hope of a baby. And in an ironic twist she told me about Capitol One In Vitro loans which Capitol One is no longer easily providing. So many successful couples forfeit on their loans after getting pregnant that the loans are no longer considered a good risk. That combined with the housing market has made it impossible to get loans to help you have a family. Couples struggling with infertility, in the current economy, have to wait until they can save enough money for each round of in vitro at a cost of $15,000-$25,000 for each month of treatment.

Perspective is a beautiful thing. No matter what my trial is, there is always someone whose trial seems harder to bear.