55 Years of Wisdom - Brought to you Free

Today is my parent’s 55^th wedding anniversary. In honor of that, I have included pictures from their wedding but I also wanted my mom to share some of her wisdom with my friends, loved ones and people I do not know who stalk my blog.

I think my parents are so wise and although they would be the first to tell you they are not perfect I know they have learned many things through their 55 years together and most importantly they have stayed faithful to each other and to the gospel throughout that time. In addition to being married for 55 years, my parents raised 8 children. They both – at separate times - returned to school and finished degrees while they had children at home. My mom was a high school dropout and went back to school in her 40’s. She completed a bachelor’s degree and a master’s degree in social work and then worked for almost 15 years in that profession. She retired from Children’s Mental Health Services in Riverside County about 15 years ago. My dad worked every day of his life from the time he was a young boy until he retired about 10 years ago. We refer to him as “the rock” because he is solid, faithful and true.

So below are the 5 things my mom knows for sure about marriage and 5 things she knows for sure about raising kids. 5+5 in honor of their 55^th anniversary. I hope there will be something here that is meaningful to each of you, if not now maybe in the future…

5 Things I know For Sure About Marriage:

1 - Marriage is ordained of God and He will hear your prayers concerning your marriage. Pray for your spouse and for your marriage. Look for the good in your spouse. Don’t evaluate your spouse or marriage when you have PMS; you’ll both lose. When you do engage in evaluating your spouse and you have a “What have I done moment???” Honestly, ask yourself, “What is it like to be married to me??”

2 – Marriage can fill your heart, make your spirit soar, and bring pure joy. Conversely, marriage can fill your heart with sorrow, wound your spirit, and bring you to despair. Always remember nothing stays the same. Change will come soon…

3 – For the most part, long-term marriages last because both partners endure the storms rather than jumping ship. All marriages have stormy days and usually stormy seasons. Sometimes one may need to jump ship. A spouse that inflicts physical, emotional or spiritual injury may be cause for leaving. All decisions about the course of a marriage should be made after fasting, prayer and counsel from a priesthood leader

4 – Accept and try to embrace differences. All evidence aside, your family did not necessarily celebrate holidays the “correct” way. In most marriages, one person is the current and one is the anchor. These are opposing forces that can create balance or discord. The current may feel it is dragging the anchor. The anchor may feel it is trying to stop or slow a raging current. If appreciated, each can help bring balance and safety. Appreciate and honor the differences and roles of each other.

5 – Happiness is a personal responsibility! It is not the responsibility of your spouse to “make” you happy. Your spouse may enrich your life and add dimension but no one can “make” you happy but you. Often happiness lies between our ears. Look for the good in life. Joy usually comes in moments not seasons.

5 Things I Know For Sure About Raising Children:

1 – Children are a gift from God. He will help you. He will honor your role as a parent and bless you with wisdom and insight. Seek the guidance of the Lord through constant prayer. He wants you to be successful; your children are His children and He wants each of us to return to Him. Ask for the guidance and promptings of the Holy Ghost and live worthy to receive them. Make quiet listening part of your daily prayers.

2 – Make time to play and have fun with your children. Dirt can wait; childhood will not. Laugh with your children. Teach them to have fun and to work. Lighten up! Make family prayer and family night a priority. Family first!

3 – A strong marriage is one of the most powerful blessings you can give your child. Be a partner to and with your spouse. Help your spouse enhance and magnify his/her role as a parent. The strongest relationship in the family should be between the parents. Anything else shifts into some level of dysfunction and will not benefit your children. Do not keep secrets from your spouse about the children. Secrets between parent and child, which exclude the other parent, build unhealthy alliances and harm the child. Exception: An abusive spouse that is a danger to the child.

4 – Don’t assume because you have done all the right things that you will be spared heartache and sorrow. Don’t beat up on yourself. Pray! Pray! Pray! Never give up. The child who at 6 or 16 is causing you grief and sleepless nights may at 26 or 36 become your hero. Never give up!

5 – If your children are “stars” don’t wear their successes like jewels. Don’t brag, don’t boast and don’t assume you have done a better job than the parents who have defiant children. Parents of difficult children may have been/be the better parents. The Lord may have sent difficult spirits to those parents because He knew those parents would not need the praise of the world, would not give up on their children and would love their children and endure to the end no matter what. Don’t brag – it endears you to no one and often tramples on the heart of a parent who is struggling with a child. Most parents are humbled by one or more children; your turn may come.

Happy Anniversary Dad and Mom!!