I posted the post below last week and then removed it after about 6 hours not confident about many things including my emotions. I think I was mostly feeling that blogs are supposed to be fun. After another week, some heartbreak and a funeral what I am now confident of, or more importantly what I have been reminded of, is we often relate on a day to day basis, even with those we are closest to, on a somewhat superficial level. Blogs are mostly fun but I have also recently read some blogs, of total strangers, that have brought me great comfort as others have expressed faith through their trials. I hope to return to fun posts soon but hope you won't mind a few posts of the not so fun parts of our recent life.
Last Friday I received the call I was dreading but was sure was coming and had been blessed with peace about. I will not carry this pregnancy. I am waiting to miscarry and although I am at peace about it I also feel great loss.
The call that morning was followed by one in the late afternoon from my brother in law to tell me my sister was in labor and would likely have their baby that night. Hours later my sister called to tell me the pediatrician had been in the room to visit and that their baby, who they knew had birth defects but those they hoped would be overcome through medical intervention, had virtually no chance of survival.
Theodore Johnathan Kuhlmann was born on Friday night at 11:49 and lived about two and a half hours.
All of our lives end up with some unexpected moments. We control what we can and hopefully learn to trust in the Lord that He knows best and His will is for our good. There is nothing like the funeral of a child and seeing a tiny casket to test your belief in His will. I believe someday all that is not understood will be made known to us whether it is the miscarriage of a desperately wanted child, the death of a child, or any number of the many, many varied and unique trials that each of us face during our time on earth. I know this to be true but I also know the Lord understands if we shed a few tears in the meantime and that He is our greatest source of comfort and peace.
June 15, 2016
10 years ago
9 comments:
I am so sorry. I don't even know what else to say. You have amazing faith and an amazing testimony and are such an example of how to put your trust in the Lord.
Oh Susan. Please know I am thinking of you and your sister.
I love having you as a blog-buddy. While some blogs are incredibly superficial your blog gives depth to our relationship when we don't always have the time to do it ourselves.
Thank you for being honest and real in your posts. It has given me lots to think and pray about.
I was just thinking last night as I was up cleaning : Why do we blog?? There are so many varied reasons for each of us I am sure. If you read my last post I actually was referring to this personal conversation in my head about this subject. I had looked at some random girls blog where she was obviously Christian and thought: We all could do so much better. What are we communicating to the World and each other through our postings?? These thoughts were also in conjuction with our JS Lesson on Sunday in Relief Society about preaching the Gospel and Sharing our testimonies. We could all do better and I am thankful for your honest postings. A couple people whom I am sure will also comment told me they had wanted to comment the next day to find your original post gone...I am sure they will be glad to see you changed your mind again:)
Susan,
I have always admired your strength, faith, testimony and mature spirit. Your ability to handle trials has left me awed and inspired. Your friendship has lifted me so many times through the years and I am so grateful for you!
I wish I was closer...I'd love to sit and chat, laugh, cry like the old days. I am so sorry for your losses. I just cried when I read about your sister's baby.
I hope you have your dream of a new baby soon. Don't be afraid to mourn for this pregnancy...it is part of the healing process (I can speak from experience). Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you, my wonderful friend!
Love,
Jen
Susan you are amazing. I admire you for so many things. Thank you for your faith and for sharing it with all of us. We strengthen each other by sharing the fun in life and the heartbreak. Thanks for sharing.
I feel your emotions. You are so strong in your faith. I am glad that you are writing your thoughts and feelings down. That is a very important thing and the rest of are learning from your example. Pray often and listen to that still small voice. He will guide you and protect your heart if you let him.
Susan, you are an amazing woman and a great example of faith. You have a very strong testimony and I thank you for sharing it with us!!!
Susan,
Thank you for sharing this post. I cried as I read the trials that you are facing and pray for your sweet family. Thank you for having the courage to be so transparent, for your faith and conviction in His plan, and for your example and testimony. Know that you are in our thoughts, and that we pray for your comfort.
Ma'ele
I have sat down several times since I read your news on Sunday and can never seem to find the words that I hope will bring you comfort. I know all to well about having our patience tried as we wait and wait for the things we long for the most in this life. I have also realized that nothing i say will bring you the peace that only a loving heavenly father can give. I am glad that you are continuing on with such faith in him. If you ever need a friend or just need to talk know that I am hear to listen, laugh, cry, or whatever you may need. You are such an inspiration to me and I am proud to call you my friend. Know that you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Love Stacie
Post a Comment